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Mastery Journal - There is More

It has never been easy for me to dream big. Can I be honest, I have not honestly thought about anything beyond the normal things people dream about. I didn't give myself permission to pursue more or do more. I was content playing small and hiding behind other people. I want everyone to win, but I didn't put myself in the race. I put a lot of restrictions on myself to be humble, to put others before myself, to make myself disappear. Maybe it was a misinterpretation of my religious beliefs, I don't know. But now, while my clock still ticks, I am going to run hard after the more until the rubber of my shoes is worn thin.


***


One of my friends told me that she went to a conference a couple weeks ago and the presenter told them to write down a goal, scratch it out and dream bigger. I have never done that. Let's try it together:


Goal: Buy a house.

Bigger Goal: Own multiple properties including a bed and breakfast for writers.


Goal: Write a movie.

Bigger Goal: Pitch my film to industry executives and have it produced on the silver screen with my name in the credits!


Goal: Lose weight

Bigger Goal: Maintain a healthy lifestyle that allows me to live a life with dignity.


Goal: Work in the Film and Television Industry

Bigger Goal: Be respected in the film and television industry for what I write.


Why have I never done this before?



I don't talk a lot about my goals and dreams. I was taught to be humble and not talk about it, but ya'll, I am finishing my second film writing course and I feel amazing. I finally have done something for me. It was hard yet it was fun. It was fun, yet it was necessary. I didn't start dreaming in color again until the pandemic, now I want to do everything I can to leave my legacy. In my class I learned how to ask for help and I hated having to do it. It makes sense though, if I have a big dream, I need to let other people know so they can help me make it a reality. That's what I do for others.


In February I had a feeling to close my business calendar and stop accepting new clients. I knew that we would be nearing the end of our filmmaking course and that our class would have a lot of homework. I wanted to keep up and thought this was the best way to do it. Little did I know that in the middle of March, my father would pass away suddenly. As I celebrate nearing the end of the course, I am also grieving the loss of my Daddy who was my biggest supporter next to my mom. Both of them are now gone. Life is short. I need to get to my more.

I love that God has given me the opportunity to fulfill my dream of writing films. Since August of 2021 I have written two full-length feature drama films, two spec scripts and a short film. I have met some amazing people who have strengthened me creatively and given me the harshest feedback I have ever heard. Being given feedback, although at times harsh, made me understand how to deal with critique and stop taking things personally. I have loved being able to sit in the seat of creativity and drive myself to new places, create new worlds, and formulate lovable characters. This has always been my dream - my more for as long as I can remember. Taking the KMP Entertainment Professional Development Advanced Writer Course gave me permission to learn how to do what I love. I have loved and hated my film writing class, but I have learned a lot. I love the RISE Model of giving feedback and have applied it outside of class in other conversations with people. I have learned how to write film budgets, about life rights, log lines, arch plot structure, proper formatting, how to slow down and follow directions (that is another post for another time), how to write coverage and how to network. I watch movies with a different perspective and can see plots, the inciting incident and identify the protagonist, antagonist and other major characters. I think my family is more annoyed that I talk through the movies because now I have new information to talk about.


One thing I hated about my film class was having to apply for jobs on a daily basis. I hated it not because I didn't think I was qualified for any positions, but because it forced me to sit with parts of me that I had neglected. Reading and revising my resume every single day was taxing for me emotionally. It made me wonder why I hadn't taken more risks in my life before. It made me kick myself for giving up on my dreams of writing so long ago. Where would I be if I had faced some of those fears in my twenties and thirties? In a few years I will be fifty, but it's not too late for me baby!


I know that I have never worked in this industry, but I am a good writer. My confidence began to soar with every opportunity to reevaluate my skills for different positions. To this day I am still getting rejection letters from these positions, however, they don't hurt my heart like they did in 2021. I am a stronger, more confident writer and pushing past my fears. I look back at the old me and wonder why I didn't give myself permission to be free sooner. I know that there are still things I need to learn, but I can't continue to hate what makes me better. That's dumb!


My classmates were supportive and inspiring. We all experienced something that sat us down during the class. From sicknesses, caregiving duties, injuries, deaths and life's pressures - we all needed a break from time to time. I laugh about it, but most of us wanted to quit. I know I did, but they kept me going. I can't say that I have been able to connect with all of my classmates, but I tried to get to know them, understand their projects and cheer them on when I could. I did have a few sandpaper moments, but for the most part, I have gained a new family of creatives who have held me up and strengthened me when I was learning and understanding my goals as a writer.


Being in the KMP Entertainment Professional Development Advanced Writer Course, my writing has improved due to the critiques, the introduction of writer's room feedback, and the consistent encouragement to think differently. My writing has been influenced because I now think more intentionally about who my audience is and why I am writing the story. If I can't come up with the log line, I don't write the story anymore.


Look at what the last ten months have done for me!


Ready for more,




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